(The Story of My Mother's Life)
So it is Friday night here in Cabris and so much has happened this week that I have failed to update you on. Other than fighting off rude commenters and drying my mother's tears, we've eaten a lot of food, drank a ton of wine, become half a wheel of cheese (b/c that's what happens when you eat that much brie) and helped nominate the first Republican woman Vice President (no, seriously. That was all me. Don't let Karl Rove fool you.)
Peeps listen to the Mae. Including John McCain.
I am not sure where I should begin in terms of describing what has transpired since Monday afternoon so I am just going to cover a couple of days. Someone has to sleep at some point. I promise after this I will recap the most recent few days. Although it mainly consists of this:
Sunbathing. I have got to work on my tan.
So Monday after I graciously walked you step by step through our vacation thus far my mother gets a text from a friend she met two years ago in St. Tropez. They've kept up...and our "Doctor from Milan" (as we call him) was nearby at his vacation house in Cap Ferrat. The night before he'd asked my mom and Auntie Squooshle out to dinner and they'd regretted. The Doctor and his friends ended up having dinner next to Bono and Edge that evening.
Needless to say, Mom and Squoosh were not going to miss another opportunity to hang out near Monaco with a bunch of fun peeps from Italy. And maybe Bono. Or Madonna. Or even the DOG WHISPERER (wait. That's just my dream.) Anyway....
So off they went. No! I'm serious. They leave me with Grandling and Papa and suddenly I'm having flashes of my life as an orphan. I mean G and P are great and all but for real, MOM...did you just take off for MONACO and leave me all alone in some rand-O village in France?
I'll go ahead and answer that for you: yes she did.
Shortly after walking away from me without so much as a whimper, my tramp of a mother checks in here:
L'Hermitage in Monte Carlo. You must be joking me. Dogs allowed and yet I'm not there???
Moments later a sleek BMW pulls up and out steps her friends from Milan. The evening progresses and I'm fairly certain mom never even bothered to mention that she's a single mother with a one year old waiting at home. I'd venture to guess the Good Doctor would like that information. But as you can see she didn't care and neither did anyone else involved.
After a fun evening out (have I mentioned yet that I was not included?) Mom and Squooshle enjoyed an amazing night at a dream of a hotel and then spent the next morning enjoying the sights and sounds (and by that I mean the sights of foreign cars and the sounds of Squooshle screeching) of Monaco.
They then ended up travelling over to Cap Ferrat (and ironically driving right by Bono's house...honk honk) and meeting up with friends at the Grand Hotel Du Cap's beach club.
Again, I do not think I was missed. Ever. With sights like these, who needs The Mae?
And yes, I'm still bitter.
After several hours in the sun it was time to head back to Cabris ... and HOME TO ME.
By the time Mom and Squoosh pulled up that evening I was raring for a lecture. I mean it. I had it all planned out...
...but then Mom left again. This time for Cannes.
Without me.
I'm not sure who she thinks she is but if someone has a line in to the ASPCA, please send them my story. I may be in an unstable home environment and peeps need to know.
So Wednesday morning rolled around and shockingly, my mother and aunt decided to spend time with the rest of the family. How kind of them. Too bad I had to listen to their attempts at Italian accents as they cracked up at their own little sister inside jokes.
And yes. I'm still bitter.
(even if it does feel good to have her home)
So as I'm getting over my abandonment issues, the trip continues. Next post? Our day in St. Paul de Vence where I prayed and prayed and prayed I'd see Brad Pitt. Instead I get attacked by a stupid King Charles Spaniel.
Ugh. Royalty.
Love and Licks,
The Mae
XOXO
