Chantez Avec Moi..."J'ai ete perdue, mais maintenant je suis trouvee!"

(Tonight's title, "Sing with me..'I once was lost but now I am found!'"

No, no...I am not trying to bring you to Jesus...though that may need to be a post down the road. He is the B-E-S-T!

Tonight's little posting is to let you know that my mother just lost her miiiiiiiiiiiiiiind. No. Seriously. I mean it. I briefly considered calling my birth mother (Hi, Vicky!!!!) and asking her to come & get me. Mom was looney tunes this evening. She was tearing up her closets. Emptying every drawer. Screaming at the ceiling...

Look at this disaster!!


Clearly she expects me to clean it up. Lately she expects me to do everything. There was a bug in the house two nights ago and she literally called me into the kitchen and asked me to rid the house of it. Who the HECK did she think she was talking to? THE ORKIN MAN? I showed her exactly how I felt about that request. I simply stared at her, opened my eyes really wide, and cocked my head to the side...and pretended not to understand.

Works. Like. A. Charm.

At any rate...back to bashing my mama. So what has she misplaced, you ask? Just like my mother. She's put off preparing until 36 hours before the flight. And just when you think the stress couldn't get any worse...Mom reaches for her passport in it's normal hiding place...and it is NOT THERE.

Her heart stops.

Mine does too at the sound of her wretched screeching.

So she's destroying the house. Then she tries to call Auntie Squish. Squish can't be bothered. She's going to sleep. Mama can't call anyone else b/c all they will say is either, "OH MY GOSH THIS IS HYSTERICAL!" or be all helpful and crap and start telling her to retrace her steps. Folks. There was no way in hades Mom was going to be able to retrace anything. She even lost me in the mayhem.

So after finding me buried beneath 10 sweaters, 42 purses and 12 pairs of stiletto heels, she loaded me up and we drove to the Capitol building for one last option: her desk drawers. Now...being as self focused as I am I'm all SQUEEEEEE~~~the Capitol at night! I can scramble all over those marble floors with no tourists to stop me! I raced into the building - giving all the policemen a high five as I scrambled by - and barked at mom to KEEP UP.

Mom finally made her way into the office. Pale faced and exhausted.

No passport.

(I'm not sure but I think she may have cussed. I learned those words at school, but I've never heard mom say 'em. )

Then we drove back to Old Town as Mom muttered about the trip being over. I couldn't believe this junk! I'm all set! I mean it! Clothes laid aside, toys picked out, food stashed away, more bully sticks than I can handle....and might I add...I KNOW WHERE MY PASSPORT IS.

And now we're not going!? Oh no way. NO WAY, Jose. (I also learned that in school.)

So I told Mom to go outside and continue ranting to the sky and I'd take up the search. Of course, my terrier skills have never failed me. I can find anything...a long lost treat, a hot guy in a sea of ugly ones, a hot black lab lookin' for a young foxed out yorkie...these types of things...of course I could find a stupid passport.

And whaddya know folks. Right in the bag Mom went through three times....tah-dah!


As they say in "Ferris Bueller's Day Off" credits, Oooooh yea.

Now let's just hope she doesn't lose ME. Good LAWD. She'd lose her head if it weren't screwed on so tightly. MOM!! Come OVER HERE! GET BACK TO PACKING!!!!!!!!!


Let's hope we actually make it out of here....
Love & Licks,
THE Mae
XOXO