But I Don't See Any Apples?

And we're off!! We finally left for the trip today. After 365 days of counting down until we returned to France we're officially on vacation ... granted, we're still in the States...but we're not in DC and that counts for something darn it! (I have to censor my language when I'm with my mother. You understand.)

((I learned some words in school. Mom doesn't like them.))

(((I told her she paid for school so why is she complaining? She liked that attitude even less than the school-yard-rhetoric. And that was the end of that conversation.)))

Anyhoodle.

I've been ready to go for DAYS on end. I mean, seriously.

I had my organic apple bars, my B12 vitamins, enough Swine Flu Repellent to change the world for good (also known as antibacterial gel but every time mom uses it she yells, "SWINE FLU" at the top of her lungs so you tell ME why you think I call it something other than what it is?), Stevia sweetner and all of my favorite outfits. And this was all laid out by ... early last week.

Lame-o-mom-o didn't start packing until just before we left. And was so spun up I thought I was going to have to sedate her...

She exhausts me.

So. We made it out of town. And now we're in the Big Apple. JFK Airport. The Crown Room, to be specific. Thanks to Papa. Mama and I normally just chill out in the hallway between flights...

I keep thinking Mom's gonna tip a few cold ones back but so far all she's done is mumble about being healthy...and that gets real old REAL FAST, peeps. she could at LEAST get me a Starbucks...

Papa [for you first time readers, Papa is my grandfather. He's my mama's daddy], on the other hand, is on my wavelength. He's already had a glass of Rose wine and we're not even on La Cote D'Azur yet!! Love that dude.

I had all of these grand intentions of blogging several times before we departed. But then Mom hogged the laptop every night updating her iPod b/c Auntie Amelia told her she needs to watch Arrested Development. And Auntie Deb told her the new Imogen Heap album was to die for. And the next thing you know Mom's putting all of it into iTunes and it takes FOREVER AND EVER GAH and I can't blog. I can watch 30 Rock and Arrested Development until the cows come home though...

I am really abused. I'll be taking donations for my OWN laptop starting...now.

So we had some lunch .... got out our travel books ... and have started plotting our grand French adventure.I have to admit, there's a chance the first 48 hours might be the most exciting. Mom and Papa have NO RESERVATIONS.

No, I'm serious. We aren't going up to the Villa in Cabris until Saturday. So, on a whim they've decided to make no plans, reserve no hotel and just...wing it? What's French for ARE YOU PEOPLE CRAZY? Well, what do I care. I will be perfectly perfect wherever we are. I mean, look at me for pete's sake....curled up in this carrier...I'm content just to lie here and have people bring me things on trays. And by people I mean my mother and by trays I mean her hands. BUT STILL. IT WORKS.

For now it looks like we're headed to Avignon. Mom went there when she was a teenager. Without Papa and Grandling. She's excited to show it to Papa. I couldn't care less. All I need are people admiring me and I'm all set. They have a new idea every 10 seconds so by the time we land we'll likely have decided to drive to a remote part of Italy and skip France all together. They are overcome with ideas...it is starting to get on my nerves. No one has asked what I want to do.

I will say mom's been a wee bit emotional today. My aunties would call it emo. She started crying at the airport when she met up with Papa because she's all overwhelmed by the opportunity to go on this trip with just him. She went on and on about how blessed she is to have a dad who wants to travel with her, who is healthy enough to do so, and who enjoys being with his daughter for days on end....

That's fine and all but why does she keep saying "just the two of us" and "daddy-daughter time" and "what an incredible memory we're going to make" and... hello? HELLO? PEOPLE...LOOK OVER HERE! IN THE PINK CARRIER! What the!??!?!? It is the THREE OF US. Learn to count, suckahs! If anyone is going to make this trip special it ain't gonna be either of you. It is going to be the one member of this travel party with four legs.

I'm going to allow this sap for now. But once we're off American soil I just won't stand for it. I seriously just won't. It is all fun and games until you're mom starts weeping at the airport lunch table....get it together, you crazy woman. You're embarrassing your kid.

We're about to board so, God willing, the next time you hear from me I'll be typing from my favorite country on earth (get over it, America, I had to choose and you pulled the short straw).

Until we talk again, dear fans, know I'm thinking of you. And honestly, wish you were coming with us. I always need an extra lap to stand on to help me see out the car window...
Love, Licks and Safe Travels,
The Mae Mae
xoxo