(And now, the day that I HATE...)
Ok. This is getting absurd. How can I expect you humans to continue to love me if I don't keep you updated on the remainder of my trip? I hope you can still forgive me. I hope you can still choose to follow my life.
I hope you still worship me as you did so many weeks ago.
This past Saturday was one of the most traumatic of my life. I hardly know how to explain it. After a week and a half of never (not even for a second) ever being out of the sight of the Humans Who Love Me I found myself being locked up in the bathroom of the guest house. You have to be joking me. What....WHAT IS GOING ON...I begged of the Humans Who USED TO LOVE ME...they set out water, food, puppy pads, tons of toys, even my Juicy travel blanket (it's true. Mama got it at the Nordstrom annual sale. I'm spoiled rotten, ok? GET OVER IT.)
But all these days, weeks and months leading up to the trip to France could never have prepared me for being left behind that afternoon. I wanted to hurt someone. I briefly considered it. If I mauled Mama, would she want to be seen in public? But then again, would I ever see my public AGAIN if I harmed her? The choices were tough.
In the end I allowed them to leave. But not without considerable howling on my part. Auntie Squooshle was very sad to leave me. At least she has a heart.
And off they went...back down to Cap D'Antibes to eat at the famed Hotel Du Cap Eden-Roc. I couldn't believe they did not bring me. Of all the places to stalk my future boyfriend, Brad Pitt, this was the one. After all, he and Angie LIVED at this hotel for well over a month last summer. And we all know how I feel about finding Brad and winning him over. I'm quite certain one glance at my shimmering fur and coppertone tan and Angie (and all of those KIDS -- good Lord) would be a thing of the past. Does my mama want to give me that chance?? Noooo, of course not. Clearly I have overestimated her love for me.
So my family ... WITHOUT ME ... pulls up to this amazing place. My mama almost started crying. They say it was the most beautiful sight they've ever seen in their lives. I wouldn't know. I wasn't there. I guess I'll have to take their word for it.
(as much as I hate to admit it, you really should click on these photos for larger images.)
(That balcony? Yea. That's where they ate. I hate them. Hate.)While they were certain someone would kick them out at any moment for being true posers, it seems no one minded mama's cheap dress and auntie squooshle's target outfit. They went right ahead and ushered them to a table with a view that was not to be believed.
The pool alone was unreal. I'm still not sure why humans like to swim in giant water bowls, but whatevs. What does it matter to me? I wasn't there.
The pool led right into the Mediterranean Sea complete with floating docks and a diving board.
And everything was so.... sparkly. It almost looked as if there were diamonds floating in the water.
I kept hoping that at some point something would go downhill for them. I mean how much fun are they allowed to have without me? But I guess my dreams of their misery were not to be...sadly.Look at these faces? Do they look miserable to you? Do they look as if they're thinking, "Wow. Something's really missing here. We should have brought Mayes!" Heck no. They look happier than they've ever been!
Here's Mama and Auntie Squooshle thinking about the diamond-like sea and totally forgetting about the mutt stuck in the bathroom.
It is really hard for me to look at these photos. Painful. Even now. Look at Grandling and Papa. Happily in love and not at all missing the most meaningful thing in their lives: me.
And then of course there was the food. Auntie Squooshle's perfectly perfect homard (lobster) and Papa's desert that was literally a box of chocolate. And while we're talking dessert, Mama and Grandling ordered the most amazing arrangement of pommes EVER put together...there was dried shavings of granny smith apples stuck into ice cream.
And how could they forget (you know, FORGET, like they did ME) the "simple" buffett that actually ended up being more of an emotional experience? The servers escort you into the room and describe every dish. Before long mama was weeping. It was like her Heaven.
There were moments where no one spoke, apparently. The family was not, as you would imagine, thinking about me, they were thinking about how perfect everything was. Now...I, of course, have never heard of ANYTHING that is perfect when I'm not involved...but what would I know.I wasn't there.
Have I mentioned that yet?
Even the interior was stunning. From the views beside the buffett table to the muraled walls...Eden Roc is simply out of this world.
I guess I should stop being so mournful about my jail-time that day to stop and say something kind about my family.Eden-Roc is full of families who are the epitome of privileged. It is obvious looking around the deck of the Eden-Roc cafe that the sheer beauty of the place is lost on most of the patrons. While my family was literally screeching (sorry nearby tables) over every plate that was put in front of them, and then snapping photo after photo of each bite, the rest of the crowd was silent. Hardly a word was uttered. Barely a smile was flashed. It seemed...in a sense...like they were bored.
After the meal was over, it became more and more obvious to my family how sad some of these people seemed. One man sent back three bottles of wine because it wasn't perfect. Another family ignored their beautiful, precious baby boy as they sipped champagne and allowed the nanny to handle his every need. And then there was my family. Laughing hysterically, chowing down, passing plates around so everyone could taste the magic that was the meal, and thanking each and every server profusely for the honor of eating there.
In the end, while they were terribly grateful for the experience, they were glad to drive past the tree lined driveway and back home to Cabris. Back to reality, back to where people laugh, back to where everyone appreciates every part of every day...and of course...
Back to me....
I was glad to have them back. I didn't even pee on their feet as punishment.
I'm good like that.
Love & Licks,
Mayes
XOXO
